Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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