Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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