someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
