I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
