She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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