you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
