I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
