Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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