Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
