Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
