i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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