I think my fart just growled at me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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