The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
