we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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