somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
