On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
