I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
