So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
