I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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