This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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