I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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