bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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