I just made out with a guy for $7.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
