so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
