Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He passed out mid-signature
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
