i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
