I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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