It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
