Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i dont even know how to be here
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
