at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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