its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
