So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
