Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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