I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
