someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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