I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
