Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize