My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
