3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
