so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
