I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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