its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
