M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
