Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
