Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
