you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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