toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
