Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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