god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
