You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
