I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
