Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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