I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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