I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
