my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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