What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
