I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
