when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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