it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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