Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
