sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
