You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
