From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
