he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
