If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
