Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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