By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
