dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
