I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
